Social Anxiety

      Today was a very good day! I had so much fun in all my classes and the weather outside was beautiful. The sky was a beautiful baby blue with small pure white cotton balls floating throw it. The Japanese Cherry Trees are beginning to bloom in my neighbor hood so there is a beautiful pink blanket covering my yard. The wind was light and the temperature felt perfect. My day was going amazingly until I went to 6th block. I appreciate school and that I have the ability to learn don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to have education available to me. I just don't like the public speaking that is involved in it. I do not enjoy sharing my thought or much of anything to people face to face. When I say that I don't mean I talk behind people's backs like, "0mG Did you see what Carrie was wearin' today? It was so gross like gurl no." *smacks gum obnoxiously*. I don't do that. What I mean is I am afraid I will be criticize by anything that I say. My 6th block class is Family and Consumer Science in layman's terms that means Home Ec. In Home Ec. we have assigned seat there are four people to each table and the tables are two rectangular white tables pushed together to meet int the middle. The assignment was to turn to the person you sat next to and talk to them. She told us to turn and talk to each other. There were two rounds. The first round I was the talker which meant I got to be the first person to talk for however long she made us talk. She ended up making us talk for one minute. I told my partner things like, "I like blue, I like to read, I have bad Social Anxiety, I feel awkward doing this..." just really pointless stuff about myself. Then here is the fun part. The teacher asked the listener to tell the whole class all of these things about you. I didn't want to talk about myself to one person let alone the whole class. It isn't that I don't "know" myself. The problem was that I was talking to someone popular. I knew her it elementary school and we were friends. The problem was is we had both changed so much over time so it became weird to talk to her again. I have no problem talking about myself to people I know. If I am comfortable with someone I will talk about anything in dept. Strangers not so much. She shared it with the class I don't know what I was expecting to happen I felt like the whole world was going to laugh at me. I just make things worse in my head than they actually are. No one said anything, because the things that said about myself other people had said. Things such as, favorite colors, hobbies, family members, etc. were what everyone else had mentioned, but I still felt scared. Round two of this fun game wasn't as bad. She told me things about herself and I shared them with the class and that went well but I was still a little worried from the last round and I talked really fast.
      I wish I didn't have such a fear of people. I know no one is going to actually confront me and be rude to me I know that is true, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. My mom wants me to come out of my shell more, but to be honest with I like my shell. It is nice and quiet and safe. I do wish that being trapped in my shell didn't cause so many problems with me socially.